Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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