Only a mothe r could love this liver
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
