my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
