i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
