i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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