he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
