No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Can you bring me the toilet please
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
