I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize