I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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