I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
