All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
