"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
