Your dad touched me again.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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