dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
A bitchslap is in order.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
