woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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