I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
