I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
