Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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