I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she peed on how many people?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
