Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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