life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
