its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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