She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
