I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
