I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm passing your future prison.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
