I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
