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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
