Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My room smells like vodka and shame
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
