You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
