Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
