At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
if only i could text you this smell
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
