I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
