YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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