Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
