I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
