is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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