Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
