i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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