There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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