I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
