good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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