I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
