those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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