My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
