It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
