My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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