The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
