We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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