not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
