Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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