tell your sister to shave her snatch
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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