bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Randomize
