Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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