i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Houston, we have a blender
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
