remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
