I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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