Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
