okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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