when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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