yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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