I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
