Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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