Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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