you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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