You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Did you just see the Batmobile???
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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