Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
