dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
