tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
