I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
