Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
