That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
