I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm bleeding and have questions
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
