the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I smell like Dick and happiness
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize