Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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