I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
